I froze when I saw the subject line ” Jason.” I rapidly opened the e-mail and found the following message:
Hi, Mrs. Nelson,
I never ever satisfied you, but I was good friends with Jason in college and we utilized to hang out a lot, specifically the year he died.
We were going to be roomies senior year …
I hope you are doing well after all these years …
And I hope my note doesn’t revive unnecessary pain.
I just wanted you to know that he is not forgotten.
All the very best, Matt
I wanted to strike the “delete” button– the email brought me back in time to the voicemail Jason’s papa left me at midnight 29 years ago.
It was the day after Christmas and my spouse Jim and I had actually gotten home late from a party. I saw the light blinking on the voice mail and pushed play.
” Judy, call me. There’s been … ”
It was Jason’s papa. His voice didn’t have its normal extreme and requiring tone– instead it was sluggish and halting.
Prior to he had finished the sentence, I deleted the message. I knew.
Jason had been on a diving getaway in Cozumel, Mexico, with his stepbrother. I was so concerned about a scuba accident it didn’t occur to me they would rent mopeds and go bar-hopping. Or that they would ride home without wearing helmets on a dark highway with giant speed bumps. Or that Jason, more than likely speeding and tipsy, would strike one of those bumps at high speed, crash headfirst into a tree, and die quickly– two months prior to turning 21.
Losing my only kid ripped a long-term gash in my heart. I conserved my sanity and mitigated my misery by writing him letters every day for months but I had nowhere to send them.
*
Many people seem to think grievers should be done grieving after a year.
When a longtime good friend of mine lost her boy in an aircraft crash 10 years after Jason passed away, she held an annual event of his life.
*
I printed Matt’s e-mail and brought it to Jim to check out. His eyes watered, and he held me in a quiet accept.
I wrote back to Matt:
Dear Matthew,
You can’t understand just how much it suggests to me to hear from you and discover that you think about Jason a lot of years later. And, no, your words do not bring up pain but rather delight to understand that his memory is still alive. I wish to talk with you and hear any stories you might be able to share about your time with Jason.
Quickly we were interacting every couple of weeks.
I learned he was a teacher of biology– a subject Jason had actually enjoyed. In fact, they fulfilled when they both signed up for biology class.
” Today we will do an experiment in muscle conductivity. It will hurt a little, but similar to a pinprick,” Matt told me the professor had actually stated. “Any volunteers?”
” I’ll do it,” Jason immediately replied, his hand waving in the air.
*
When Matt recommended we attend an efficiency of the Grateful Dead spinoff group Dead & Business together in a 20,000- seat amphitheater near San Francisco, I laughed. I ‘d currently informed him about the time Jason wanted to attend a Dead show when he was 12.
” Mother, Mother, Guess what?
” You understand how I feel about that band,” I informed him.
Jason finally stomped off, whispering. He stayed mad up until I lastly coaxed a laugh out of him with a bad joke and a cookie.
Understanding how that interaction had gone, Matt threw me a difficulty.
” How about I take you to a Grateful Dead concert to reveal you how incorrect you are!” he recommended.
I hate crowds and loud rock music, but Ma