Throughout college, when I got mistakenly knocked up throughout a friends-with-benefits situation, I remember looking down at my still-flat belly and marveling at how odd it was that this would be the only time I ‘d have a bun in the oven.
So, though I can’t recall the precise age that I decided I didn’t want kids, it’s been some time.
It’s challenging to bring up the topic of parenthood in the 30- something dating world. In your 20 s, few individuals are believing long-term like that, however in your 30 s, they are coming down to service.
With one man, I brought it up throughout our second date at a bowling alley. “Great spare! I don’t want kids.”
When I satisfied Brian, I decided to piggyback the discussion onto an already awkward conversation. We had actually been dating for about two months when he mentioned that he wasn’t– technically– divorced. I mentioned that I didn’t– technically– desire kids. One conversation. Two Band-Aids torn off.
Brian didn’t flinch at this disclosure; it barely appeared to register.
So, I did what anyone would do– I didn’t bring it up again for weeks.
So, one night when he was over at my apartment or condo, I gulped down half a bottle of dry rosé and asked if he was truly, really OK with not having kids.
He had not wanted to say anything due to the fact that he was thrilled about our relationship, too. Not having kids wasn’t a dealbreaker for him. He was unfortunate. He was really, actually unfortunate. Because our discussion, he had been privately mourning a future that involved being called Dad.
And there we were– two individuals in their mid-30 s who by that point liked each other– facing an uneasy truth. He was distressed that he couldn’t wish away his desire to have kids.
My therapist assured me that people make sacrifices for the ones they enjoy all the time.
For a while, neither Br