WE OFTEN THINK of manual stimulation as a stop on the way to intercourse, but in a tantric practice known as lingam massage, stroking the penis with the hands is the main event.
This sexual activity encourages people to slow down in the bedroom and give or receive touch without an end goal—besides experiencing pleasure, that is.
What is a lingam massage?
“Lingam” is the Sanskrit word for “phallus” or “penis,” explains Markie Twist, a sexuality educator, sexologist, and relationship therapist. “Lingam” is also sometimes translated as “masculine energy,” “wand of light,” or “distinguished symbol of power,” according to sexologist and sex therapist Nicoletta Heidegger.
“A lingam massage has come to be known as a sensual and energetically-infused massage of the penis and the surrounding landscape,” Heidegger says. (That “surrounding landscape” includes the balls, pelvis, and perineum.)
How to give a lingam massage
Curious to try this tantric massage technique? Here’s everything you need to know about performing a lingam massage.
1. Talk about it in advance.
Before engaging in a lingam massage, Heidegger recommends asking each other questions like:
- “How do you want to feel?”
- “What are your expectations?”
- “How will I know if you are enjoying it?”
- “How will I know if there is something you don’t like?”
Dainis Graveris, certified sex educator, relationship coach, and founder of SexualAlpha, also recommends discussing any boundaries either of you have. Someone might be comfortable receiving touch on one part of their body but not another, and all parties will be more comfortable if those ground rules are established from get-go.
2. Set the scene.
In order to optimize pleasure and relaxation, create a sensual, romantic scene. “Create a comfortable environment by setting the mood with soft lighting, relaxing music, and a warm temperature,” Graveris suggests. Make sure that your hands and your partner’s genitals are clean, as well as the sheets.
You will want to have water- or silicon-based lube on hand for massaging the perineum or penis, Twist says. You also might consider using lubricated condoms around the penis if either of you feels most comfortable practicing safer sex this way.
3. Massage the whole body.
While the penis is the focus of a lingam massage, the massager will want to start out by touching the rest of the body to help the person relax and unwind, Graveris advises. For body parts outside the genitals, you can use massage oil, says Heidegger.
4. Massage around the penis.
Once the receiver is warmed up, the giver can start massaging closer to the genitals. “This is typically done slowly,” Twist says. “In fact, sometimes, erection of the lingam can occur even just through this light touch-like massaging of the areas surrounding it, like the inner thighs.” From there, the giver can massage the testicles and the perineum, “before massaging from the bottom of the phallic shaft and ending at the head.”
5. Stroke the penis.
For the penis massage itself, Heidegger recommends “body mapping,” where you try out different sensations, have your partner say what they like best, and then continue with their favorite types of touch. “Try different speeds, pressures, locations, and parts of your hand, arms, or body to see what you both like and feel comfortable with,” she says.
You can also experiment with long strokes, gentle strokes, circular motions, and light squeezing, says Graveris, adding that one might start with the shaft and then focus increasingly on the head. “Pay attention to the person’s responses and adjust your techniques accordingly.”
Heidegger adds that as long as everyone is into it, there is no right or wrong way to give a lingam massage. “Just like we massage the rest of our bodies in different ways to feel a variety of sensations, the sa